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e did I receive spontaneous offer of help。 Oh； it is wonderful to think of all that youth can endure！ What a poor feeble wretch I now seem to myself； when I remember thirty years ago！
XI
Would I live it over again； that life of the garret and the cellar？ Not with the assurance of fifty years' contentment such as I now enjoy to follow upon it！ With man's infinitely pathetic power of resignation； one sees the thing on its better side； forgets all the worst of it； makes out a case for the resolute optimist。 Oh； but the waste of energy； of zeal； of youth！ In another mood； I could shed tears over that spectacle of rare vitality condemned to sordid strife。 The pity of it！ And……if our conscience mean anything at all……the bitter wrong！
Without seeking for Utopia； think what a man's youth might be。 I suppose not one in every thousand uses half the possibilities of natural joy and delightful effort which lie in those years between seventeen and seven…and…twenty。 All but all men have to look back upon beginnings of life deformed and discoloured by necessity； accident； wantonness。 If a young man avoid the grosser pitfalls； if he keep his eye fixed steadily on what is called the main chance； if； without flagrant selfishness； he prudently subdue every interest to his own （by 〃interest〃 understanding only material good）； he is putting his youth to profit； he is an exemplar and a subject of pride。 I doubt whether； in our civilization； any other ideal is easy of pursuit by the youngster face to face with life。 It is the only course altogether safe。 Yet pare it with what might be； if men respected manhood； if human reason were at the service of human happiness。 Some few there are who can look back upon a boyhood of natural delights； followed by a decade or so of fine energies honourably put to use； blended therewith； perhaps； a memory of joy so exquisite that it tunes all life unto the end； they are almost as rare as poets。 The vast majority think not of their youth at all； or； glancing backward； are unconscious of lost opportunity； unaware of degradation suffered。 Only by contrast with this thick…witted multitude can I pride myself upon my youth of endurance and of bat。 I had a goal before me； and not the goal of the average man。 Even when pinched with hunger； I did not abandon my purposes； which were of the mind。 But contrast that starved lad in his slum lodging with any fair conception of intelligent and zealous youth； and one feels that a dose of swift poison would have been the right remedy for such squalid ills。
XII
As often as I survey my bookshelves I am reminded of Lamb's 〃ragged veterans。〃 Not that all my volumes came from the second…hand stall； many of them were neat enough in new covers； some were even stately in fragrant bindings； when they passed into my hands。 But so often have I removed； so rough has been the treatment of my little library at each change of place； and； to tell the truth； so little care have I given to its well…being at normal times （for in all practical matters I am idle and inept）； that even the eliest of my books show the results of unfair usage。 More than one has been foully injured by a great nail driven into a packing…case……this but the extreme instance of the wrongs they have undergone。 Now that I have leisure and peace of mind； I find myself growing more careful……an illustration of the great truth that virtue is made easy by circumstance。 But I confess that； so long as a volume hold together； I am not much troubled as to its outer appearance。
I know men who say they had as lief read any book in a library copy as in one from their own shelf。 To me that is unintelligible。 For one thing； I know every book of mine by its SCENT； and I have but to put my nose between the pages to be reminded of all sorts of things。 My Gibbon； for example； my well…bound eight…volume Milman edition； which I have read and read and read again for more than thirty years……never do I open it but the scent of the noble page restores to me all the exultant happiness of that moment when I received it as a prize。 Or my Shakespeare； the great Cambridge Shakespeare……it has an odour which carries me yet further back in life； for these volumes belonged to my father； and before I was old enough to read them with understanding； it was often permitted me； as a treat； to take down one of them from the bookcase； and reverently to turn the leaves。 The volumes smell exactly as they did in that old time； and what a strange tenderness es upon me when I hold one of them in hand。 For that reason I do not often read Shakespeare in this edition。 My eyes being good as ever； I take the Globe volume； which I bought in days when such a purchase was something more than an extravagance； wherefore I regard the book with that peculiar affection which results from sacrifice。
Sacrifice……in no drawing…room sense of the word。 Dozens of my books were purchased with money which ought to have been spent upon what are called the necessaries of life。 Many a time I have stood before a stall； or a bookseller's window； torn by conflict of intellectual desire and bodily need。 At the very hour of dinner； when my stomach clamoured for food； I have been stopped by sight of a volume so long coveted； and marked at so advantageous a price； that I COULD not let it go； yet to buy it meant pangs of famine。 My Heyne's Tibullus was grasped at such a moment。 It lay on the stall of the old book…shop in Goodge Street……a stall where now and then one found an excellent thing among quantities of rubbish。 Sixpence was the price…… sixpence！ At that time I used to eat my midday meal （of course my dinner） at a coffee…shop in Oxford Street； one of the real old coffee…shops； such as now； I suppose； can hardly be found。 Sixpence was all I had……yes； all I had in the world； it would purchase a plate of meat and vegetables。 But I did not dare to hope that the Tibullus would wait until the morrow； when a certain small sum fell due to me。 I paced the pavement； fingering the coppers in my pocket； eyeing the stall； two appetites at bat within me。 The book was bought and I went home with it； and as I made a dinner of bread and butter I gloated over the pages。
In this Tibullus I found pencilled on th