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repressed emotion in her face。
Not for herself。 She might feel a little wounded； but her care was not
for herself。 Her thoughts still turned； as they always had turned； to
him。 A faint misgiving； which had hung about her since their accession
to fortune； that even now she could never see him as he used to be
before the prison days； had gradually begun to assume form in her mind。
She felt that； in what he had just now said to her and in his whole
bearing towards her； there was the well…known shadow of the Marshalsea
wall。 It took a new shape； but it was the old sad shadow。 She began
with sorrowful unwillingness to acknowledge to herself that she was
not strong enough to keep off the fear that no space in the life of man
could overe that quarter of a century behind the prison bars。 She had
no blame to bestow upon him； therefore： nothing to reproach him with；
no emotions in her faithful heart but great passion and unbounded
tenderness。
This is why it was； that； even as he sat before her on his sofa； in the
brilliant light of a bright Italian day； the wonderful city without and
the splendours of an old palace within； she saw him at the moment in the
long…familiar gloom of his Marshalsea lodging； and wished to take her
seat beside him； and fort him； and be again full of confidence with
him； and of usefulness to him。 If he divined what was in her thoughts；
his own were not in tune with it。
After some uneasy moving in his seat； he got up and walked about；
looking very much dissatisfied。
'Is there anything else you wish to say to me； dear father？'
'No； no。 Nothing else。'
'I am sorry you have not been pleased with me； dear。 I hope you will not
think of me with displeasure now。 I am going to try； more than ever； to
adapt myself as you wish to what surrounds me……for indeed I have tried
all along； though I have failed； I know。'
'Amy；' he returned； turning short upon her。 'You……ha……habitually hurt
me。'
'Hurt you； father！ I！'
'There is a……hum……a topic；' said Mr Dorrit； looking all about the
ceiling of the room； and never at the attentive； unplainingly shocked
face； 'a painful topic； a series of events which I wish……ha……altogether
to obliterate。 This is understood by your sister； who has already
remonstrated with you in my presence； it is understood by your brother；
it is understood by……ha hum……by every one of delicacy and sensitiveness
except yourself……ha……I am sorry to say； except yourself。 You；
Amy……hum……you alone and only you……constantly revive the topic； though
not in words。'
She laid her hand on his arm。 She did nothing more。 She gently touched
him。 The trembling hand may have said； with some expression； 'Think of
me； think how I have worked； think of my many cares！' But she said not a
syllable herself。
There was a reproach in the touch so addressed to him that she had
not foreseen； or she would have withheld her hand。 He began to justify
himself in a heated； stumbling； angry manner； which made nothing of it。
'I was there all those years。 I was……ha……universally acknowledged as
the head of the place。 I……hum……I caused you to be respected there； Amy。
I……ha hum……I gave my family a position there。 I deserve a return。 I
claim a return。 I say； sweep it off the face of the earth and begin
afresh。 Is that much？ I ask； is that much？' He did not once look at her；
as he rambled on in this way； but gesticulated at； and appealed to； the
empty air。
'I have suffered。 Probably I know how much I have suffered better than
any one……ha……I say than any one！ If I can put that aside； if I can
eradicate the marks of what I have endured； and can emerge before the
world……a……ha……gentleman unspoiled； unspotted……is it a great deal to
expect……I say again； is it a great deal to expect……that my children
should……hum……do the same and sweep that accursed experience off the face
of the earth？'
In spite of his flustered state； he made all these exclamations in a
carefully suppressed voice； lest the valet should overhear anything。
'Accordingly； they do it。 Your sister does it。 Your brother does it。 You
alone； my favourite child； whom I made the friend and panion of my
life when you were a mere……hum……Baby； do not do it。
You alone say you can't do it。 I provide you with valuable assistance to
do it。 I attach an acplished and highly bred lady……ha……Mrs General；
to you； for the purpose of doing it。 Is it surprising that I should be
displeased？ Is it necessary that I should defend myself for expressing
my displeasure？ No！'
Notwithstanding which； he continued to defend himself； without any
abatement of his flushed mood。
'I am careful to appeal to that lady for confirmation； before I express
any displeasure at all。 I……hum……I necessarily make that appeal within
limited bounds； or I……ha……should render legible； by that lady； what I
desire to be blotted out。 Am I selfish？ Do I plain for my own sake？
No。 No。 Principally for……ha hum……your sake； Amy。'
This last consideration plainly appeared； from his manner of pursuing
it； to have just that instant e into his head。
'I said I was hurt。 So I am。 So I……ha……am determined to be； whatever
is advanced to the contrary。 I am hurt that my daughter； seated in
the……hum……lap of fortune； should mope and retire and proclaim herself
unequal to her destiny。 I am hurt that she should……ha……systematically
reproduce what the rest of us blot out； and seem……hum……I had almost said
positively anxious……to announce to wealthy and distinguished society
that she was born and bred in……ha hum……a place that I myself decline to
name。 But there is no inconsistency……ha……not the least； in my feeling
hurt； and yet plaining principally for your sake； Amy。 I do； I say
again； I do。 It is for your sake that I wish you； under the auspices of
Mrs General； to form a……hum……a surface。 It is for your sake that I wish
you to have a……ha……truly refined mind； and （in the striking words of
Mrs General） to be ignorant of everything that is not perfectly proper；
placid； and pleasant。'
He had been running down by jerks； during his last speech； like a
sort of ill…adjusted alarum。 The touch was still upon his arm。 He fell
silent； and after looking about th