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'I am sure as sane as any one here。 I want to find the Marshalsea
prison。'
The shrill outer circle again retorted; 'Then that 'ud show you was mad
if nothing else did; 'cause it's right opposite!'
A short; mild; quiet…looking young man made his way through to her; as
a whooping ensued on this reply; and said: 'Was it the Marshalsea you
wanted? I'm going on duty there。 e across with me。'
She laid her hand upon his arm; and he took her over the way; the crowd;
rather injured by the near prospect of losing her; pressing before and
behind and on either side; and remending an adjournment to Bedlam。
After a momentary whirl in the outer court…yard; the prison…door opened;
and shut upon them。 In the Lodge; which seemed by contrast with the
outer noise a place of refuge and peace; a yellow lamp was already
striving with the prison shadows。
'Why; John!' said the turnkey who admitted them。 'What is it?'
'Nothing; father; only this lady not knowing her way; and being badgered
by the boys。 Who did you want; ma'am?'
'Miss Dorrit。 Is she here?'
The young man became more interested。 'Yes; she is here。 What might your
name be?'
'Mrs Clennam。'
'Mr Clennam's mother?' asked the young man。
She pressed her lips together; and hesitated。 'Yes。 She had better be
told it is his mother。'
'You see;' said the young man;'the Marshal's family living in the
country at present; the Marshal has given Miss Dorrit one of the rooms
in his house to use when she likes。 Don't you think you had better e
up there; and let me bring Miss Dorrit?'
She signified her assent; and he unlocked a door and conducted her up
a side staircase into a dwelling…house above。 He showed her into a
darkening room; and left her。 The room looked down into the darkening
prison…yard; with its inmates strolling here and there; leaning out
of windows muning as much apart as they could with friends who were
going away; and generally wearing out their imprisonment as they best
might that summer evening。 The air was heavy and hot; the closeness
of the place; oppressive; and from without there arose a rush of
free sounds; like the jarring memory of such things in a headache and
heartache。 She stood at the window; bewildered; looking down into this
prison as it were out of her own different prison; when a soft word or
two of surprise made her start; and Little Dorrit stood before her。
'Is it possible; Mrs Clennam; that you are so happily recovered as……'
Little Dorrit stopped; for there was neither happiness nor health in the
face that turned to her。 'This is not recovery; it is not strength; I
don't know what it is。' With an agitated wave of her hand; she put all
that aside。 'You have a packet left with you which you were to give to
Arthur; if it was not reclaimed before this place closed to…night。'
'Yes。'
'I reclaim it。'
Little Dorrit took it from her bosom; and gave it into her hand; which
remained stretched out after receiving it。
'Have you any idea of its contents?'
Frightened by her being there with that new power Of Movement in her;
which; as she said herself; was not strength; and which was unreal
to look upon; as though a picture or statue had been animated; Little
Dorrit answered 'No。'
'Read them。'
Little Dorrit took the packet from the still outstretched hand; and
broke the seal。 Mrs Clennam then gave her the inner packet that was
addressed to herself; and held the other。 The shadow of the wall and of
the prison buildings; which made the room sombre at noon; made it too
dark to read there; with the dusk deepening apace; save in the window。
In the window; where a little of the bright summer evening sky
could shine upon her; Little Dorrit stood; and read。 After a broken
exclamation or so of wonder and of terror; she read in silence。 When
she had finished; she looked round; and her old mistress bowed herself
before her。
'You know; now; what I have done。'
'I think so。 I am afraid so; though my mind is so hurried; and so sorry;
and has so much to pity that it has not been able to follow all I have
read;' said Little Dorrit tremulously。
'I will restore to you what I have withheld from you。 Forgive me。 Can
you forgive me?'
'I can; and Heaven knows I do! Do not kiss my dress and kneel to me; you
are too old to kneel to me; I forgive you freely without that。'
'I have more yet to ask。'
'Not in that posture;' said Little Dorrit。 'It is unnatural to see your
grey hair lower than mine。 Pray rise; let me help you。' With that she
raised her up; and stood rather shrinking from her; but looking at her
earnestly。
'The great petition that I make to you (there is another which grows
out of it); the great supplication that I address to your merciful and
gentle heart; is; that you will not disclose this to Arthur until I am
dead。 If you think; when you have had time for consideration; that it
can do him any good to know it while I am yet alive; then tell him。 But
you will not think that; and in such case; will you promise me to spare
me until I am dead?'
'I am so sorry; and what I have read has so confused my thoughts;'
returned Little Dorrit; 'that I can scarcely give you a steady answer。
If I should be quite sure that to be acquainted with it will do Mr
Clennam no good……'
'I know you are attached to him; and will make him the first
consideration。 It is right that he should be the first consideration。 I
ask that。 But; having regarded him; and still finding that you may spare
me for the little time I shall remain on earth; will you do it?'
'I will。'
'GOD bless you!'
She stood in the shadow so that she was only a veiled form to Little
Dorrit in the light; but the sound of her voice; in saying those three
grateful words; was at once fervent and broken……broken by emotion as
unfamiliar to her frozen eyes as action to her frozen limbs。
'You will wonder; perhaps;' she said in a stronger tone; 'that I can
better bear to be known to you whom I have wronged; than to the son
of my enemy who wronged me。……For she did wrong me! She not only sinned
grievously against the Lord; but she wronged me。 What Arthur's father
was to me; she made him。 From our ma