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rriage tour； and subsequently； in quick succession； the others followed。 The last of us； my brother Arthur； appeared in November 1860 — well do I remember my father in a flowered dressing…gown telling us to be quiet because we had a little brother。 This allows nearly sixteen years between the eldest and the youngest； including one who came into the world still…born。 Although she had ten children living； my mother never ceased to regret this boy； and I remember her crying； when she pointed out to me where he was buried in Bradenham churchyard。
My mother never was a beauty in the ordinary sense of the word； but in youth； to judge by the pictures which I have seen of her （photographs were not then known）； she must have been very refined and charming in appearance； and indeed remained so all her life。 Her abilities were great； taking her all in all she was perhaps the ablest woman whom I have known； though she had no iron background to her character； for that she was too gentle。 Her bent no doubt was literary； and had circumstances permitted I am sure she would have made a name in that branch of art to which in the intervals of her crowded life she gravitated by nature。 Also she was a good musician； and drew well。 Of her mental abilities I have however spoken in a brief memoir which I published as a preface to a new edition of my mother’s poem； “Life and its Author。”
I think that the greatest of her gifts； however； was that of conversation。 No more charming panion could be imagined。 Also she had the art of drawing the best out of anyone with whom she might be talking； as the sympathetic sometimes can do。 In a minute or two she would find which was his or her strongest point and to this turn the conversation。 Notwithstanding the tumultuous nature of her life； her illnesses and other distractions； she contrived to read a great deal； and to keep herself au courant with all thought movements and the political affairs of the day。 Further she did her very best to teach her numerous children the truths of religion； and to lead them into the ways of righteousness and peace。 I fear； however； that at times we got beyond her。 It is not easy for any woman to follow and direct all the physical and mental developments of a huge and vigorous family who are continually ing and going； first from schools and elsewhere； and later from every quarter of the world。
She never plained； but I cannot think that the life she was called upon to lead was very congenial to her。 When young in India； where at that time English ladies were rare； as was natural in the case of one of her charm who was known also to be a considerable heiress； she was much sought after and feted。 Then she returned to England and married； and for her the responsibilities of life began with a vengeance； to cease no more until she died。 These indeed were plicated by the fact that a time came when she had to think a good deal about ways and means； especially after my father； who had the passion of his generation for land； insisted upon investing most of her fortune in that security just at the mencement of its great fall in value。 Her various duties； including that of housekeeping； of which she was a perfect mistress； left her scarcely an hour to follow her own literary and artistic tastes。 All she could do was to give a little attention to gardening； to which she was devoted。
On the whole life at Bradenham must have been very dull for her； especially after the London house was sold and she was settled there more or less permanently。 She used to describe to me the wearisome and interminable local dinner…parties to which she was obliged to go in her early married life。 The men she met at them talked； she said； chiefly about “roots；” and for a long while she could not imagine what these roots might be and why they were so interested in them； until at length she discovered that they referred to mangold…wurzel and to turnips； both as crops and as a shelter for the birds which they loved to shoot。 One good fortune she had； however： all her children survived her； all were deeply attached to her； and； what is strange in so large a family； none of them went to the bad。
Such was the circle in which I grew up。 I think that on the whole I was rather a quiet youth； at any rate by parison。 Certainly I was very imaginative； although I kept my thoughts to myself； which I dare say had a good deal to do with my reputation for stupidity。 I believe I was considered the dull boy of the family。 Without doubt I was slow at my lessons； chiefly because I was always thinking of something else。 Also to this day there are subjects at which I am extremely stupid。 Thus； although I rarely forget the substance of anything worth remembering； never could or can I learn anything by heart； and for this reason I have been obliged to abandon the active pursuit of Masonry。 Moreover all mathematics are absolutely abhorrent to me； while as for Euclid it bored me so intensely that I do not think I ever mastered the meaning of the stuff。
I think it is fortunate for me that I have never been called upon to face the petitive examinations which are now so fashionable； and； I will add； in my opinion in many ways so mischievous； for I greatly doubt whether I should have succeeded in them。 The only one for which I ever entered was that for the Army； which about 1872 was more severe than is now the case。 Then I went up almost without preparation； not because I wished to bee a soldier but in order to keep a friend pany； and was duly floored by my old enemy； Euclid； for which I am very thankful。 Had I passed I might have gone on with the thing and by now been a retired colonel with nothing to do； like so many whom I know。
Of those early years at Bradenham few events stand out clearly in my mind。 One terrific night； however； when I was about nine years old； I have never forgotten。 I lay abed in the room called the Sandwich； and for some reason or other could not sleep。 Then it was that suddenly my young intelligence for the first time grasped the meaning of death。 It came home to me that I too must die； that my body must be buried in the ground and my spirit be hurried off to a terrible； unfamiliar land which to most people w