按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
n fact to a strict Roman Catholic doubtless it was impertinent。 In youth most of us are intolerant； and I was no exception to the rule。 As we get on in life all such things vanish。 Personally today I am not prepared to quarrel with any religion worthy of the name； unless it be that of Mahomet in certain of its aspects。 I have learned that they all spring from the same light； though the world being； as it were； cut crystal； that light flows from its facets in different…coloured rays。 Here is the letter：
When I got； yesterday； your mysterious…looking letter labelled “Private” and with an awful black seal； I wondered what dark secrets it was going to unfold。 When I had read it I think that I should have been inclined to laugh if I had not been sorry that you should be the victim of such dull and stale delusions with regard to monks and the motives that induce a man to bee one。 You have used hard words； and you will let me add that I think it unworthy of a man of your mental quality to live year after year confronted by the Catholic Church （pulchritudo tam antiqua et tam nova） and be content to derive all your knowledge of it from some vulgar Protestant pamphlet； and all your ideas of its institutions and ways from what I suppose you were told in the nursery。 You go to the originals to discover what Hegel or te really teach； and you are eager enough to find out all about Darwinism； etc。； but as for Catholics； you not only don’t inquire from them what they really teach but you assume to lecture them。 Having relieved my mind so far； I can assure you your letter was far from giving me offence； on the contrary； I know very well you are not singular in your views； and that many who call themselves my friends think the same； but you are the only one who has taken sufficient interest in the matter to tell me so； and therefore I thank you。 I don’t intend to defend the monastic state。 It has existed since the beginning of the fourth century； has been continually attacked； and yet it has flourished； all Catholics look and have looked on it as a higher and more perfect state； and therefore I will assume it； it has been often and eloquently defended； and moreover it could not be done in a letter。 However； the fact that it is good in itself is not at all a conclusive reason why I should embrace it； and if you had tried to dissuade me from it on the score that I had made myself unfit and unworthy for it I should have had very little to answer。 I did not e here in consequence of any trouble of the kind you allude to； nor any other； nor in a fit of disgust。 When I said I was afraid if I left of dropping into my old ways； I meant the idle； aimless； useless life I led when you knew me and some time after： my only object was pleasure and happiness； and I was unscrupulous in trying to get them。 However； about six months previous to ing here I had made a great change and lived more or less as a Catholic should： I had got out of Chancery and paid my debts and begun reading for the Bar in a Conveyancer’s rooms； and it was under these circumstances that I came here； and it is what I shall resume if I leave。 I prefer London and Paris to Africa how fair soever be its skies； and the Park to the Sahara。 You see my prospects in the world are not so darkened as you think； nevertheless they do not wear a very fascinating smile to my eyes。 For； take everything at its best and assume that I should succeed in everything： after many years’ drudging I should be a successful barrister； and perhaps end by being a judge if I was very lucky。 What good should I have done my fellow…men by that？ Don’t you know that when a man in practice dies； a hundred rejoice； thinking that they will get some of his work； for one who is sorry？ Do you feel grateful to a lawyer worn out with briefs； as if he were a public benefactor in consenting to work in the world instead of retiring to some rural or suburban retreat？ Judging by the ordinary run of man； in fifty years I should be a crabbed bachelor； or still worse a tormented and disappointed married man — not much better than your “soured monk。” Besides； I believe in the immortality of the soul； and in fact it was the great “hereafter” which weighed on my mind and prevented my being content with prospects which sound well enough to most people。 And if I made myself my own and only centre in this life； why should I at the hour of death suddenly change and love my Creator； and if I did not what chance should I have of enjoying Him？ You will say that it is possible to love God in the world； and so it is： the thing I am trying to decide is where it will be easiest for me to do so。 It may be more heroic to remain and fight your battles bravely； but permit me； where the consequences of defeat are so hideous； who really am in such matters nothing but a coward； who have been so often overe； at least to think of flight。
I repeat I have decided nothing； the Church insists upon people being tried for two years at least before taking simple vows （i。e。 that can be dissolved by the superiors if they find you unfit）； and five years before taking solemn vows； which can only be dissolved by the Pope。 pare this caution with the approved facility with which a man may bind himself for long periods as a soldier or for life in marriage！ I may eventually regret it； but what may not be regretted； and how many things have most men done which they do regret！ Surely you should not omit to do a good thing because you may regret it。 I might say a good deal more； but have no time。 I once more thank you for writing as you did； with your old warmth and not without your old eloquence。 Finally； if you like to e here； if you have the time； the inclination； and the opportunity； I am sure the Abbot would be very glad to acmodate you for any time under three months （that is the rule） in the guest…house。 I warn you however that the fare is very frugal； and twenty…four hours might exhaust your patience。
Very sincerely yours；
J。 Sheil。
It seems to me that； in the above letter； dear Sheil goes far towards justifying the attack that I had evidently made upon his position。 “Permit me 。 。 。 at least to think of flight。” He admits that he had run away from the w