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nute of every hour。
What weapons did she have at her disposal？ None but her fidelity。 And she offered him that at the very outset； the very first day； as if aware she had nothing more to give。 Their love was an oddly asymmetrical construction： it was supported by the absolute certainty of her fidelity like a gigantic edifice supported by a single column。
Before long； the crow stopped flapping its wings； and gave no more than the twitch of a broken； mangled leg。 Tereza refused to be separated from it。 She could have been keeping vigil over a dying sister。 In the end； however； she did step into the kitchen for a bite to eat。
When she returned； the crow was dead。
22
In the first year of her love； Tereza would cry out during intercourse。 Screaming； as I have pointed out； was meant to blind and deafen the senses。 With time she screamed less； but her soul was still blinded by love； and saw nothing。 Making love with the engineer in the absence of love was what finally restored her soul's sight。
During her next visit to the sauna； she stood before the mirror again and； looking at herself； reviewed the scene of physical love that had taken place in the engineer's flat。 It was not her lover she remembered。 In fact； she would have been hard put to describe him。 She may not even have noticed what he looked like naked。 What she did remember （and what she now observed； aroused； in the mirror） was her own body： her pubic triangle and the circular blotch located just above it。 The blotch； which until then she had regarded as the most prosaic of skin blemishes； had become an obsession。 She longed to see it again and again in that implausible proximity to an alien penis。
Here I must stress again： She had no desire to see another man's organs。 She wished to see her own private parts in close proximity to an alien penis。 She did not desire her lover's body。 She desired her own body； newly discovered； intimate and alien beyond all others； incomparably exciting。
Looking at her body speckled with droplets of shower water； she imagined the engineer dropping in at the bar。 Oh； how she longed for him to come； longed for him to invite her back！ Oh； how she yearned for it！
23
Every day she feared that the engineer would make his appearance and she would be unable to say no。 But the days passed； and the fear that he would come merged gradually into the dread that he would not。
A month had gone by； and still the engineer stayed away。 Tereza found it inexplicable。 Her frustrated desire receded and turned into a troublesome question： Why did he fail to come？
Waiting on customers one day； she came upon the bald…headed man who had attacked her for serving alcohol to a minor。 He was telling a dirty joke in a loud voice。 It was a joke she had heard a hundred times before from the drunks in the small town where she had once served beer。 Once more； she had the feeling that her mother's world was intruding on her。 She curtly interrupted the bald man。
I don't take orders from you； the man responded in a huff。 You ought to thank your lucky stars we let you stay here in the bar。
We？ Who do you mean by we？
Us； said the man； holding up his glass for another vodka。 I won't have any more insults out of you； is that clear？ Oh； and by the way； he added； pointing to Tereza's neck； which was wound round with a strand of cheap pearls； where did you get those from？ You can't tell me your husband gave them to you。 A window washer！ He can't afford gifts like that。 It's your customers； isn't it？ I wonder what you give them in exchange？
You shut your mouth this instant！ she hissed。
Just remember that prostitution is a criminal offense； he went on； trying to grab hold of the necklace。
Suddenly Karenin jumped up； leaned his front paws on the bar； and began to snarl。
24
The ambassador said： He's with the secret police。
Then why is he so open about it？ What good is a secret police that can't keep its secrets？
The ambassador positioned himself on the cot by folding his legs under his body； as he had learned to do in yoga class。 Kennedy； beaming down on him from the frame on the wall； gave his words a special consecration。
The secret police have several functions； my dear； he began in an avuncular tone。 The first is the classical one。 They keep an ear out for what people are saying and report it to their superiors。
The second function is intimidatory。 They want to make it seem as if they have us in their power； they want us to be afraid。 That is what your bald…headed friend was after。
The third function consists of staging situations that will compromise us。 Gone are the days when they tried to accuse us of plotting the downfall of the state。 That would only increase our popularity。 Now they slip hashish in our pockets or claim we've raped a twelve…year…old girl。 They can always dig up some girl to back them。
The engineer immediately popped back into Tereza's mind。 Why had he never come？
They need to trap people； the ambassador went on； to force them to collaborate and set other traps for other people； so that gradually they can turn the whole nation into a single organization of informers。
Tereza could think of nothing but the possibility that the engineer had been sent by the police。 And who was that strange boy who drank himself silly and told her he loved her？ It was because of him that the bald police spy had launched into her and the engineer stood up for her。 So all three had been playing parts in a prearranged scenario meant to soften her up for the seduction！
How could she have missed it？ The flat was so odd； and he didn't belong there at all！ Why would an elegantly dressed engineer live in a miserable place like that？ Was he an engineer？ And if so； how could he leave work at two in the afternoon？ Besides； how many engineers read Sophocles？ No； that was no engineer's library！ The whole place had more the flavor of a flat confiscated from a poor imprisoned intellectual。 Her father was put in prison when she was ten； and the state had confiscated their flat and all her father's books。 Who knows to what use the flat had then been put？
Now she saw clearly why the engineer had never returned： he had accomplished his mission。 What mission？ Th