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生命不能承受之轻-第48章

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Most of Tomas's orders came from large shops; but his boss sent him out to private customers; too。 People were still reacting to the mass persecution of Czech intellectuals with the euphoria of solidarity; and when his former patients found out that Tomas was washing windows for a living; they would phone in and order him by name。 Then they would greet him with a bottle of champagne or slivovitz; sign for thirteen windows on the order slip; and chat with him for two hours; drinking his health all the while。 Tomas would move on to his next flat or shop in a capital mood。 While the families of Russian officers settled in throughout the land and radios intoned ominous reports of police functionaries who had replaced cashiered broadcasters; Tomas reeled through the streets of Prague from one glass of wine to the next like someone going from party to party。 It was his grand holiday。
He had reverted to his bachelor existence。 Tereza was suddenly out of his life。 The only times he saw her were when she came back from the bar late at night and he woke befuddled from a half…sleep; and in the morning; when she was the befuddled one and he was hurrying off to work。 Each workday; he had sixteen hours to himself; an unexpected field of freedom。 And from Tomas's early youth that had meant women。
9
When his friends asked him how many women he had had in his life; he would try to evade the question; and when they pressed him further he would say; Well; two hundred; give or take a few。 The envious among them accused him of stretching the truth。 That's not so many; he said by way of self…defense。 I've been involved with women for about twenty…five years now。 Divide two hundred by twenty…five and you'll see it comes to only eight or so new women a year。 That's not so many; is it? 
But setting up house with Tereza cramped his style。 Because of the organizational difficulties it entailed; he had been forced to relegate his erotic activities to a narrow strip of time (between the operating room and home) which; though he had used it intensively (as a mountain farmer tills his narrow plot for all it is worth); was nothing like the sixteen hours that now had suddenly been bestowed on him。 (I say sixteen hours because the eight hours he spent washing windows were filled with new salesgirls; housewives; and female functionaries; each of whom represented a potential erotic engagement。)
What did he look for in them? What attracted him to them? Isn't making love merely an eternal repetition of the same?
Not at all。 There is always the small part that is unimaginable。 When he saw a woman in her clothes; he could naturally imagine more or less what she would look like naked (his experience as a doctor supplementing his experience as a lover); but between the approximation of the idea and the precision of reality there was a small gap of the unimaginable; and it was this hiatus that gave him no rest。 And then; the pursuit of the unimaginable does not stop with the revelations of nudity; it goes much further: How would she behave while undressing? What would she say when he made love to her? How would her sighs sound? How would her face distort at the moment of orgasm?
What is unique about the I hides itself exactly in what is unimaginable about a person。 All we are able to imagine is what makes everyone like everyone else; what people have in common。 The individual I is what differs from the common stock; that is; what cannot be guessed at or calculated; what must be unveiled; uncovered; conquered。
Tomas; who had spent the last ten years of his medical practice working exclusively with the human brain; knew that there was nothing more difficult to capture than the human I。 There are many more resemblances between Hitler and Einstein or Brezhnev and Solzhenitsyn than there are differences。 Using numbers; we might say that there is one…millionth part dissimilarity to nine hundred ninety…nine thousand nine hundred ninety…nine millionths parts similarity。
Tomas was obsessed by the desire to discover and appropriate that one…millionth part; he saw it as the core of his obsession。 He was not obsessed with women; he was obsessed with what in each of them is unimaginable; obsessed; in other words; with the one…millionth part that makes a woman dissimilar to others of her sex。
(Here too; perhaps; his passion for surgery and his passion for women came together。 Even with his mistresses; he could never quite put down the imaginary scalpel。 Since he longed to take possession of something deep inside them; he needed to slit them open。)
We may ask; of course; why he sought that millionth part dissimilarity in sex and nowhere else。 Why couldn't he find it; say; in a woman's gait or culinary caprices or artistic taste?
To be sure; the millionth part dissimilarity is present in all areas of human existence; but in all areas other than sex it is exposed and needs no one to discover it; needs no scalpel。 One woman prefers cheese at the end of the meal; another loathes cauliflower; and although each may demonstrate her originality thereby; it is an originality that demonstrates its own irrelevance and warns us to pay it no heed; to expect nothing of value to come of it。
Only in sexuality does the millionth part dissimilarity become precious; because; not accessible in public; it must be conquered。 As recently as fifty years ago; this form of conquest took considerable time (weeks; even months!); and the worth of the conquered object was proportional to the time the conquest took。 Even today; when conquest time has been drastically cut; sexuality seems still to be a strongbox hiding the mystery of a woman's I。 
So it was a desire not for pleasure (the pleasure came as an extra; a bonus) but for possession of the world (slitting open the outstretched body of the world with his scalpel) that sent him in pursuit of women。
Men who pursue a multitude of women fit neatly into two categories。 Some seek their own subjective and unchanging dream of a woman in all women。 Others are prompted by a desire to possess the endless variety of the objective female world。
The obsession of the former is lyrical: what they seek in women is themselves; their ideal; and since an ideal 
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