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Just then Tomas felt another stab in his stomach。 It made him feel old； feel that what he longed for more than anything else was peace and quiet。
Maybe you're right； he said with difficulty。 The pain made it hard for him to breathe。
We'd have a little house and a little garden； but big enough to give Karenin room for a decent run。
Yes； said Tomas。
He was trying to picture what it would be like if they did move to the country。 He would have difficulty finding a new woman every week。 It would mean an end to his erotic adventures。
The only thing is； you'd be bored with me in the country； said Tereza as if reading his mind。
The pain grew more intense。 He could not speak。 It occurred to him that his womanizing was also something of an Es muss sein！ —an imperative enslaving him。 He longed for a holiday。 But for an absolute holiday； a rest from a// imperatives； from all Es muss sein！ If he could take a rest （a permanent rest） from the hospital operating table； then why not from the world operating table； the one where his imaginary scalpel opened the strongbox women use to hide their illusory one…millionth part dissimilarity？
Your stomach is acting up again！ Tereza exclaimed； only then realizing that something was wrong。 He nodded。
Have you had your injection？
He shook his head。 I forgot to lay in a supply of medication。
Though annoyed at his carelessness； she stroked his forehead； which was beaded with sweat from the pain。
I feel a little better now。
Lie down； she said； and covered him with a blanket。 She went off to the bathroom and in a minute was back and lying next to him。
Without lifting his head from the pillow； he turned to her and nearly gasped： the grief burning in her eyes was unbearable。
Tell me； Tereza； what's wrong？ Something's been going on inside you lately。 I can feel it。 I know it。
No。 She shook her head。 There's nothing wrong。
There's no point in denying it。
It's still the same things； she said。
The same things meant her jealousy and his infidelities。
But Tomas would not let up。 No； Tereza。 This time it's something different。 It's never been this bad before。
Well then； I'll tell you； she said。 Go and wash your hair。
He did not understand。
The tone of her explanation was sad； unantagonistic； almost gentle。 For months now your hair has had a strong odor to it。 It smells of female genitals。 I didn't want to tell you； but night after night I've had to breathe in the groin of some mistress of yours。
The moment she finished； his stomach began hurting again。 He was desperate。 The scrubbings he'd put himself through！ Body； hands； face； to make sure not the slightest trace of their odors remained behind。 He'd even avoided their fragrant soaps； carrying his own harsh variety with him at all times。 But he'd forgotten about his hair！ It had never occurred to him！
Then he remembered the woman who had straddled his face and wanted him to make love to her with it and with the crown of his head。 He hated her now。 What stupid ideas！ He saw there was no use denying it。 All he could do was laugh a silly laugh and head for the bathroom to wash his hair。
But she stroked his forehead again and said； Stay here in bed。 Don't bother washing it out。 I'm used to it by now。
His stomach was killing him； and he longed for peace and quiet。 I'll write to that patient of mine； the one we met at the spa。 Do you know the district where his village is？ No。
Tomas was having great trouble talking。 All he could say was； Woods 。 。 。 rolling hills 。 。 。
That's right。 That's what we'll do。 We'll go away from here。 But no talking now 。 。 。 And she kept stroking his forehead。 They lay there side by side； neither saying a word。 Slowly the pain began to recede。 Soon they were both asleep。
22
In the middle of the night； he woke up and realized to his surprise that he had been having one erotic dream after the other。 The only one he could recall with any clarity was the last： an enormous naked woman； at least five times his size； floating on her back in a pool； her belly from crotch to navel covered with thick hair。 Looking at her from the side of the pool； he was greatly excited。
How could he have been excited when his body was debilitated by a gastric disorder？ And how could he be excited by the sight of a woman who would have repelled him had he seen her while conscious？
He thought： In the clockwork of the head； two cogwheels turn opposite each other。 On the one； images； on the other； the body's reactions。 The cog carrying the image of a naked woman meshes with the corresponding erection…command cog。 But when； for one reason or another； the wheels go out of phase and the excitement cog meshes with a cog bearing the image of a swallow in flight； the penis rises at the sight of a swallow。
Moreover； a study by one of Tomas's colleagues； a specialist in human sleep； claimed that during any kind of dream men have erections； which means that the link between erections and naked women is only one of a thousand ways the Creator can set the clockwork moving in a man's head。
And what has love in common with all this？ Nothing。 If a cogwheel in Tomas's head goes out of phase and he is excited by seeing a swallow； it has absolutely no effect on his love for Tereza。
If excitement is a mechanism our Creator uses for His own amusement； love is something that belongs to us alone and enables us to flee the Creator。 Love is our freedom。 Love lies beyond Es muss sein！
Though that is not entirely true。 Even if love is something other than a clockwork of sex that the Creator uses for His own amusement； it is still attached to it。 It is attached to it like a tender naked woman to the pendulum of an enormous clock。
Thomas thought： Attaching love to sex is one of the most bizarre ideas the Creator ever had。
He also thought： One way of saving love from the stupidity of sex would be to set the clockwork in our head in such a way as to excite us at the sight of a swallow。
And with that sweet thought he started dozing off。 But on the very threshold of sleep； in the no…man's…land of muddled concepts； he was suddenly certain he had just discovered the solution to all riddles； the key to all mysteries； a new utopia； a paradise： a world